ho ho ho NO !!!!

Alright, so I have a friend.. (please hold your applause).. his names Karim. We were chatting today, and we both had the urge to unload some creative juices. (don't point out the sexual connotation of that phrase, I see it too).. but we couldn't figure out what to write a blog about, so we gave each other a subject. Just for the hell of bitching.. here's mine..

Ok.. so I'm about to shatter a few of your most cherished childhood memories.. and no, I feel no guilt.

Santa Clause..St.Nicholas..the fat fuck dressed in red velvet. Here's my opinion of him... I think that Santa Clause has been carried from generation to generation as a desperate attempt by parents to get their kids to behave.

The thought that at the end of the year, a rosy-cheeked jolly man rewards you with the gifts you desire the most is appealing to most kids. Now after they dangle that in your face.. they slip in what they want in return.

Parent: "yep, that's right! The biggest most badassed toys you want.. but you have to behave."
Mind-fucked child: "what do you mean behave daddy?"
Parent: "well....... *sounds of distant bells jingling, and the set turns into a musical*..you better not pout, you better not cry, you better not fuck anymore of my shit up.. *records scratching, stage lights dim*
MFC: "nigga whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
---Comrades, nothing in life is free.

Santa Claus could've existed once upon a time. Maybe he was a sweet old man who used to buy gifts for orphans during the cold bitter winter. And he remained anonymous, hence the legend formed around him. Or maybe he was well-known and his name was Nicholas Claus, and the town called him St. Nicholas...... Or maybe he was just a dirty old man, the first of the pedophiles, the start & reason for our current-day epidemic. Who knows. The fact is, he doesn't exist now.

Let me break it down for you simple-minded internet junkies..:
1. Have you ever seen a flying reindeer? and don't give me that shit about "well, you can't see air either but it doesn't mean its not there"... go suck a candy cane u twat.
2. How big does your chimney have to be? Chimneys now are pretty much just a simple exhaust system. Unless santa claus has advanced alien technology and has learned how to de-molecularize.. it aint hap'nin..
3. A bottomless happy-sack? Could you possibly fit 5 billion toys in one red sack? This is also assuming that every kid is asking for one toy, I'm not even taking into account the selfish assholes asking for 2 gifts.. or GOD FORBID 3...
4. Around the world in 80..minutes? If Santa can go around the world, climb in and out of chimneys, and eat all the damn cookies and milk that was set out for him in one night. NASA would've blown his ass up on the way to Mars already.

I know, I know.. I should've left this subject alone. Because in a world like today.. we all need a warm thought like santa to make us feel warm and fuzzy in times of need. well.......
I AGREE...... SO BLAME KARIM!! HE MADE ME DO IT... what an ass he is huh?